


Wish I Was Never Born

by dragonpotter



Series: Michael deserves a hug [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - It's a Wonderful Life Fusion, Alternate Universe - Michael Has a Squip, Angst, But it's there, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, and summaries, here's the big one, it's never super importaint to the story, post bathroom, sorry - Freeform, the one I've wanted to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonpotter/pseuds/dragonpotter
Summary: Michael couldn't take the loneliness anymore. If he wanted to try to reconcile with Jeremy, he'd take drastic measures.The SQUIP took note of his thoughts accordingly.





	Wish I Was Never Born

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this a sequel to my last work, "Michael Mell is a Pining Boy," and probably won't make sense without it so I recommend reading that first.

It had been a few days since Michael took his SQUIP. He regretted it a little, but he didn't HATE it or anything. The Jere-SQUIP was actually a little helpful. It mostly stayed out of his way, just throwing in advice when it was needed, even just small things, like  _don't overdo trying to text him_ or  _get a good nights rest._

 

One night, Michael was playing video games, with the SQUIP occasionally giving him tips it found on the internet, when it asked him something.

_Is that really true, Michael?_

"What?"

_You wished you were never born._

Michael felt time stop. "How the hell did you know that?"

_I'm in your brain. It's not that hard to access your memories._

Michael tried not to say anything. He wanted to cry, but he had no idea what the Jere-SQUIP would do about that. His moms would hear him, anyway.

_Michael, was it true when you said that?_

"It's just...I..." Michael trailed off. "I couldn't go on without my player two. That's why I got a SQUIP. I just wanted to talk to him again..."

There was a moment of quiet.

 _Michael,_ the SQUIP started,  _You have to understand you're here for a reason._

Michael didn't say anything.

_Michael, obviously I can't let you die. And I couldn't erase your birth either. But if you really thought the world would've been better off, then I can let you decide that for yourself._

"What?"

_It's simple. When you go to sleep tonight, I can simulate what the Michael Mell-less world would be like in your dreams._

* * *

Michael didn't say no, strictly. He never agreed to it, either, but here he was. He woke up in a place he hadn't seen in twelve years.

"Is this the old day care Jere and I used to go to?"

 _Yes,_ his SQUIP answered,  _but in this universe, he had quite the different experience._

Michael watched as all the four-year-olds he remembered (and some he didn't) ran around him. He couldn't believe he had ever been so small. Out of the corner of his eye, Michael saw his old teacher. He tried to get Ms. Newberry's attention, but she looked right through him. 

_Remember, Michael, this is what a world without you would be like. Nobody else can see you._

Michael nodded vaguely, and continued to look around. That's when he noticed tiny child Jeremy. Michael couldn't believe that he was seeing his past right in front of him. Jeremy had longer hair (even if it was still pretty short), and was wearing a Pokémon shirt and overalls.

Michael still remembered the day he met Jeremy. Jeremy was on the swing set, when some kid came up and asked why he had a girls name, which just made Jeremy cry. Michael had heard him crying, and came to yell at the kid and force him to apologize to Jeremy. A few days later, Michael was drawing a Charmander with sidewalk chalk when  he heard someone behind him. "You're a really good drawer"

Baby Michael had turned around and saw the same kid from the swings behind him. "Thanks!" he smiled. "My name is Michael! What's yours?"

"Netta..." said the kid, "But I use Jeremy instead,"

"Hi, Jeremy!" Michael said, "Want to help me draw more Pokémon?"

"Ok!"

The two drew together for the rest of recess, and from there their friendship bloomed.

 

 

That's not how it was in this universe.

Jeremy was swinging on the swings when the kid from the other class came up to him.

"Are you a boy?"

"Y-yes," Jeremy stuttered.

"Then why do you have a girl name?"

"My name is Jeremy,"

"But I heard the teacher call you Netta!"

"That's not my name..." Jeremy said, tears starting to well up. 

Michael couldn't stand watching anymore. He started to march to the younger children when he heard the SQUIP stop him.

_They can't see you, remember?_

Michael had no choice but let what he was seeing keep happening. Eventually Ms. Newberry walked to the swings to break the crying boy away from the scene.

"C'mon, Netta," she said softly, leading Jeremy to the classroom. This caused Jeremy to cry harder.

Michael closed his eyes. "I don't want to see this anymore," he whispered.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, Michael found himself in a church.

"Why here? I'm not religious,"

_Just watch._

Michael found before him a day he remembered. His moms' wedding. They looked happy, but there was this unspoken sadness between them. They weren't a family yet. They never got to meet their child. There was something missing. 

"If I wasn't around, who was the ring barer?" Michael asked.

_They got your older cousin as the barer._

"Why are you even showing me this? Couldn't Sofia and Tala have adopted another child?"

_In this universe, they tried, but they wanted you, or a child like you. Bubbly, attentive, loving. There were plenty of children who matched that description, but the only agency that let them adopt was the one they adopted you from. If you weren't born, they wouldn't have gotten the child they always wanted._

Michael watched his moms finish the vows and share a kiss, but he could see deep down they wished they could have met him.

Or at least any child they could have welcomed to the family.

* * *

Michael closed his eyes again. When he opened them, he found himself in school.

 _This is what would have been the first day of your of sophomore year,_ the SQUIP told him.

Michael saw Jeremy walk awkwardly through the hallway, head down, eyes averted, books clutched close to his chest. The fifteen-year-old opened his locker, only to find a poster that read "Loser" in Rich Goranski's handwriting. Michael remembered that was the first day he ever took notice of Rich. He was short for his age, even at age 15, and even then, he still made it clear that he was on top of the class.

What happened is that Michael and Jeremy attempted to get back at Rich by covering his locker in multiple layers of duct tape, but Rich caught them in the act and the next day he wrote "la" on Jeremy's backpack and "me" on Michael's. But even back then, Michael had gotten a rush out of attempting revenge, because it almost felt like some kind of mission.

But what this Jeremy did was get his phone out of his pocket and dial someone's number. "Hey, Dad? I'm feeling kinda sick. Can  you come pick me up?"

While Jeremy was waiting for his dad in the lobby, he got up for a drink of water. And none other than Rich Goranski approached his bag and wrote "coward."

* * *

"I don't want to see any more of this..." Michael mumbled.

_Isn't this what you wished at the party?_

"Yes, but...this isn't how I pictured any of it. Somehow I pictured everyone would be better off-" Michael gulped and suddenly jolted awake. He felt hot tears run down his face. 

_Michael, if we're going to make this work, you have to promise not to let stupid thoughts like that get to you. Clearly, Jeremy might need you as much as you need him._

Michael nodded, but deep down he couldn't help but think about how stupid he was to be in love with someone who didn't want him anyway. All Jeremy needed him for was a friend.

 

And Michael had already given him just that.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god this took forever to finish. But look at that, the fanfiction I wanted to write finally exists. Good on me for that.
> 
> Update: I changed "Jessica" to "Netta" in the first flashback because it's of Hebrew origin.


End file.
